Your past does not justify your current actions, unless you are a child or your IQ is below 80.

Just because something is happening to you does not mean you “deserve” it because you did the same thing to someone else.

I did not get raped because I raped someone. Bad things happen because there are bad people and that is life, but we can’t excuse it or justify it or there will never be change. They continue to happen because we choose not to do anything and we choose to justify why things happen. Why should I donate to OxFam? Those people are poor because of their parents. Those people who died in the World Trade Center died because they killed thousands themselves?

So beating your wife or child is not right or wrong because that is what you saw growing up? Raping children is not or wrong because you were raped? Killing people is not right or wrong because you saw it on TV? Hell, if that is the case I need to quit my counseling job because there is no hope.

I try to understand why people do what they do, but it does not “justify” their actions. It does help us understand and help ourselves and others to change. We can not excuse evil because daddy hit mommy. People are supposed to learn and grow. Those who do not are in a state of constant decay and their decay puts others at risk for the same.

You can just “listen and give comfort” but this doesn’t help any one to grow and learn from the situation. And if you do see that someone might be in the wrong, you are continuing to support the wrong by staying silent. Silence is for the weak.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.” - MLK

I don’t remember saying that rape is Ok in my book. It is not my place to judge you, or the person that has done anything to you. I am not God. I do not believe that you “deserved” to get raped. That is pretty cold. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And the difficult things are trying to teach us something and bring us up to a new level.

If I tell people how to live their lives, as you are telling me here, it’ll never work. I have to learn things for myself, that might include asking for advice. People’s pasts create their actions in my opinion. I cannot create anything new without first having input. My actions are the sum of my past. So if I commit a robbery, I learned this behavior from something in my past. I can begin to understand why I do things. My behavior is not OK, it is not right or wrong, but does it serve me is the question I ask myself.

People that have done things to me in the past I disliked, I now understand why they did it and I forgive them. Hating them does not serve me, it is like drinking a slow poison. It eats me up inside, keeps me awake at night, and destroys my relationships.

“Silence is for the weak” is a broad generalization in my opinion. If I see an injustice, is it my place to right this wrong? Shall I tell this person they are going down the wrong path? Because I know mine is the right one? Well I know my path is the right one, at least for me. If I see some girl getting raped in the alley, I know I jump in to save her regardless of my safety. If I see some adult beating their kid with a stick in the parking lot, I jump in. I know these are illegal. What if I see my buddy Joe dating somebody who is not faithful? I may ask him if he wants some advice about the person they are dating. And I will tell him if he wants to know. But that is all I can do. He attracted an unfaithful person for some particular reason. I know this person they are dating will probably cheat on them, but I can’t stop the trainwreck. In my experience, people are pretty much NEVER accepting of unsolicited advice. So Joe gets cheated on, breaks up and either learns from it, or repeats the whole thing over again. I told somebody close to me once that the person they were dating was not the faithful type at all. But this unsolicited advice was ignored, as it always is. I wasn’t silent, I voiced myself. But I cannot save the world because it doesn’t want to be saved.

I don’t really think I took away our souls by saying that people are like computers. But you are entitled to your opinion. Love you Sister…

Good morning! In my view everything happens for a certain reason, but we people not always are allowed to know them, to know why certain thing happen, and why this way. There are many things that people don’t know and should not know simply because God wants it that way, because He knows better what is good and bad for us even though we may think that something happens because we are loosers or something like that. Through some difficulties in our lives God wants to check out whether we can handle them, solve our problems and live through them with faith and strengh. He also wants to find out if our faith in Him is strong or not, if we are able to keep it inspite troubles and challenges in out life. Whether we can stay the way we are or change our mind and open our eyes to something that we didn’t understood before. I believe that everything has a reason and there is not such a thing as a coincidence. Thank you and have a good day!!! Love, Aigerim

You said that you do not see a man beating his wife as right or wrong, “it just is….the cycle of life”. I believe it is wrong. I understand this is just my belief, but most of society would agree with this. I do see it as my social and moral responsibility to do something if I know this is happening, and I do. I know you would say something to this kind of person.

I used the other scenarios as examples to illustrate a point. We all have our ideas of what is right or wrong and I believe we should stand behind our beliefs. Too many stand in silence because it is safe there - we don’t have to worry about the “friction” our words might cause.

The people in my life who know and love me respect my opinion. That does not mean that they agree with me, but we have enough mutual love and respect to share how we feel. I EXPECT them to tell me that I am walking down the wrong path because they love me. I should only hope that people who love me want to help me. As long as they are coming from a place of truth, genuine love and concern (not telling me how to live my life), they will always have the floor and I will not stop loving me because they chose to care about me.

My educated guess is that Joe probably would have been more upset in the end had you not said anything. Joe probably respected your opinion and that your love for Joe was so deep that you were willing to risk the “friction” for a good reason. My guess is Joe did not shut you out of his life or mistreat you because you said someone was the unfaithful type. I guess Joe, and people like Joe, should no longer expect you to voice concern if it means there might be friction?

When I say “you,” I am speaking in the universal sense. I am not telling you how to live your life in anything I have writtin, nor have I ever. I guess it is your past and current experiences that are leading you to believe this. I am simply responding to what you wrote and challenging your opinion.

Always in love, Sis