The Beginning of a New Golden Rule

1
November
2007

The Beginning of a New Golden Rule

The past week has been horrifically bad, but from all bad seems to come more good, at least in my life. I had a death in the family followed by a funeral, a fire at family’s house, a near breakup from the wife, and a lawsuit filed. Wow, the apocolypse is here. Just need some hordes of locust! But with all of this stuff going on, my mind has been running beyond max capacity to make sense of it all and to just survive it. I can logically explain why the things happened, by I still feel this giant pain in my heart. My wife has been going through her own trials and tribulations so I didn’t really get the support I wanted. In fact, I got the opposite of what I’d call support. But I guess if my wife and I were on fire, my first reaction would be to put me out.

So she was dealing with her own living hell, and I had mine. Now when we talked about her problems, I’d try to make them seem smaller than they actually were because I tend to think more logically. I always see the issues different than my wife does. I explain how everybody has their own perspective because they were raised that way. They are entitled to act however they want. We get upset when they tell us how to act, so why should we want them to change? I also inevitably find the hypocrisy in the situation. You are mad because they did this, well remember when you did the same thing here? All of what I am doing makes the other person seem that I am justifying what happened, or that it’s ok. My wife is mad, or angry, or sad, and I am doing that? To an emotional person, this is throwing gas on the flames.

So I need to learn to control my logical side and just listen, and feel compassion for their plight. Not figure how they caused it and explain it to them. Listen, feel compassion and sympathy, say I am sorry that happened and leave it at that for now. Maybe ask if there is anything I can do to help. When the emotional rollercoaster stops, then I can ask if the other person would like some input on the situation and approach it delicately, like I am walking on thin ice. Because the wound is fresh and I don’t want to cause it to start bleeding again. But until then, button my lip.

This idea is still evolving in my head, but I know it will be one of my new Golden Rules to live by so to speak. And this is all harder to do when you too are on an emotional rollercoaster like I just was.