16
May
2007
In the past, I had a great relationship with somebody. Then a group of people told me they had problems with that person. I heard all of these stories about this person and the things they did to others. So I began to believe that this person had problems. I then had a talk with the person and said all of the things these people said and told this person that they had problems. And I talked to others about all of the problems this person had.
It was a few years later that I came to realize what had happened. I allowed my great relationship to be poisoned by other people. And if I allowed that, all of my relationships would become poisoned because everybody has a bad relationship somewhere. Those are their issues with them and have absolutely nothing to do with me. If somebody wants to gossip about somebody else to me, I will usually tell them that I don’t want to hear it, and “why don’t you talk to them about this?”
I have people constantly bombarding me with negative gossip about somebody else. I get it on the TV, at the supermarket checkout, and with family and friends. And others talk about me, I’ve heard that 3 times in the last week. Let them talk. Boy I must be important! 
Well, I know I am important and I count. What others say about me has ZERO to do with me, it’s about them. I do not base my self-worth on what others say about me. I know who I am, and I am learning more everyday about myself.
I’ve seen first hand how a person, close to me, poisoned the relationship with another person. Now everything this person sees the other do is wrong, or mean. They are jaded because they believe the poisoner. They have taken a side and drawn an invisible line in the sand. And their punishment is passive and practically invisible to the naked eye.
When somebody dislikes somebody, and then talks about all of the horrible things they’ve done to them or others, they create minions who carry on their work. It’s kinda like Mary Kay. Somebody signs you up to be a rep, then you peddle your product and try to sign up others to peddle it for you. And if you are good, others do all of the work for you. You make a call, and 5 others do your bidding with just a few simple words. Pyramid schemes seem very fruitful in the beginning, but always fail in the end.
Now, I’ve been a minion, I’ve been poisoned, and I’ve been the poisoner. I’ve played all of the roles and never knew it. Now I know, and I’ve apologized to the person first mentioned which was huge for me. And now I have the difficult task of realizing how my relationships are with everybody truly are. Are my issues with someone, somebody elses, or are they genuinely mine?
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Greg Hankerson 
Happiness, Relationships, Enlightenment 
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7
May
2007
An excerpt from Dr. John Demartini’s latest book, “The Heart of Love”:
There’s a funny off-Broadway musical called I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change. Sound familiar? Have you ever thought you’d found the perfect mate and then spent the rest of your relationship together trying to “fix” him or her? Futile, isn’t it?
The moment you project onto other people and expect them to live according to your values instead of their own, you label them as “bad” (or some version of that, such as a judgmental “lazy,” “sloppy,” or “rude”). You think they need to be changed, and you’re just the one to do it. After all, you’re the one with the “right” values, aren’t you?
Maybe you’re starting to think that all you have to do is find someone with the exact same values system as you, and then everything will be just peachy. I’ve done my research, and I can assure you that no two people ever have exactly the same value systems. They’re as unique as fingerprints and voices. We can compare this to a principle in physics called the Pauli exclusion principle: No two quantum particles, or people, will ever have the same quantum numbers or representation of the universe.
That puts a challenge in relationships, doesn’t it? Everyone sees through different eyes, and still we must interact with others who have totally different expectations. As if that’s not challenging enough, we then compound it with something else.
If Joe attempts to live some idealism that society, his culture, or his family may have imposed, he’ll be uncertain of his actual values. He’ll act as he “should” instead of being himself. If he then meets Carol and becomes infatuated, he’ll put her on a pedestal. He’ll assume she has her life put together more than he does. He’ll think that somehow his values are wrong and hers are better.
Have you ever done this-questioned yourself and started trying to change to please someone else? When you start putting someone on a pedestal, you tend to inject their value system into yours. Then you hear yourself thinking, I really ought to be doing this. I should do that. I’m supposed to do this. You try to live by someone else’s value system-but you still have your own-and you have internal conflict. You live with moral dilemmas and imperatives.
Perhaps instead of putting someone on a pedestal with infatuation, you put someone in a pit with resentment. As another example, let’s say you’re walking down the street and spot a homeless person, avoid him, and think he is less than you are. You minimize him, rather than exaggerate him. Instead of injecting his value system into yours, you project your value system onto him. You think, He ought to get a job. He shouldn’t be asking me for money. He’s supposed to contribute more to society! You don’t see him for who he is ultimately and the service he contributes.
How often have you done this sort of thing? As long as you’re “shoulding” on yourself with others’ values, or “shoulding” on others with your own values, you’re spending futile energy. Remember, the hierarchy of your values dictates your destiny. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.”
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships, Enlightenment 1 Comment »
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7
May
2007
I subscribe to a free email service by James Ray who was in The Secret. I just got this email today so I thought I’d pass it along to you…
How can you change your mindset? To get rid of old, limiting programming, we have to constantly and consistently put new ideas into our minds. New ideas create positive, powerful new paradigms. Vincent Van Gogh said, “I dream my painting, and then I paint my dream.”
The key to creating a new mindset is consistency. Thinking new thoughts once in a while doesn’t do much good. Meditating on your new mindset once or twice a day is fairly ineffective if the rest of your day is taken up with thoughts of fear or doubt.
It is the habitual thoughts, the consistent thoughts, that create your mindset and your destiny… not the thoughts that come and go. The thoughts you consistently and continually plant into your unconscious become conviction in your life. You can use affirmation and meditation to do this, but making your new mindset a habit also takes discipline, commitment and resolve.
This is why the power of the will in your conscious mind is one of your greatest gifts. If you catch yourself in the middle of negative thinking, stop and say “No” to those thoughts. Stop the thought and replace it with a positive one. Either mentally or verbally, say “Cancel” and repeat your new thought. As Nike says, “Just do it.”
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This makes perfect sense to me. My programming took years to put into place. So new programming won’t happen over night. But if I replace thoughts that don’t serve me quickly and consistently with ones that do, the old ones will go away. If you would like to hear more from James Ray, you can take a look at his website here.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Enlightenment No Comments »
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5
May
2007
I recently figured out why I get angry at people at times. It’s because they remind me of somebody from my past. Whether it’s the guy in front of me in his car, or the person in the news, they represent something buried deep inside of me. It’s pretty awesome to truly know this.
Maybe you don’t like an actor. Ask yourself, who does that person represent in my life? Usually it seems to be the ones you were most with during childhood. And once I see who they represent, it demistifies the whole situation and I have a better understanding of myself. One way to know if somebody bothers me, is if I talk about them and the things I don’t like that they are doing. That part is pretty key.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships, Enlightenment 1 Comment »
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5
May
2007
A wise person I know once said, “unspoken expectations are future disappointments.” Now I get the meaning. It seems people expect a lot from me. And in the past I didn’t want to disappoint. But why was I trying to live up to these expectations that were never even asked of me? In my marriage, I quickly learned that telling my wife what I expected of her, and vice-versa, made life much more enjoyable. There were less fights and disagreements. We knew where we stood.
Trying to live up to other people’s expectations causes me to live my life for them. I choose to play by my rules, and not to live to please others. Others will respect me and how I live my life, and it’s about time I told them. Otherwise they get hurt when I don’t play their game. But once I tell them how I want them to treat me, we have an understanding. And if they refuse, well then we have an understanding too. Those who refuse to respect me, will not get my time. Some will think of this as selfish. Put others before you right? Well, no! If I don’t take care of myself first, I cannot take care of others. I will be damaged and broken if I do that. If the plane is going down, put on your oxygen mask first, then help others. Putting others first will cause you to lose consciousness, on the crashing plane, and in a crashing life.
It’s funny, I don’t have many expectations for anybody. I want everybody to do what they want to do. And now, maybe I won’t expect anything, instead, I will respect.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships, Enlightenment No Comments »
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2
May
2007
The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do. - Orison Swett Marden
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Enlightenment 4 Comments »
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