The other day I was listening to the radio. A lady was talking about being diagnosed with breast cancer and what it was like to tell people about her ordeal. This reminded me of mine. I was diagnosed with having a brain tumor when I was around 19. But I had forgotten what it was like to tell people what I had, and the look they would give me. I never volunteered the information, but somehow the conversation would lead up to it and I would tell them I had a brain tumor. I didn’t like saying this because I usually got the same look, like they were thinking I was going to die, and their feelings of pity, I am sooo sorry Greg. I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me, because I wasn’t going to die, I was going to get through it one way or another.

But anyways, this radio program brought back that emotion and then I realized how lucky I was. My legs were paralyzed for almost a week after the operation to remove the tumor. But fortunately control of my legs began to come back on the 5th day which was one of the happiest days of my life. I was in tears when one of my toes moved! And today I was driving my truck with a friend to Oak Flats to ride my motorcycle. That ride was epic!

The whole experience with the brain tumor was a turning point in my life. I consider it to be a near-death-experience. I was virtually dead inside before that happened. But from the moment I found out, I had a new lease on life. I knew my days may be numbered. My quality of life had suffered enough during those 3 years that I decided to have the operation and take my chances. And I came out on top. I have a small deficiency in my left leg, it works maybe 80-90% as well, but that doesn’t slow me down. I believe I owe this to the book I read by Bernie Siegel, M.D., called Love Life And Miracles. It talked about the power of the mind in healing which I had never heard about before. I recommend any of his books for those suffering from severe and terminal illnesses. Maybe you will learn that there is no such thing if you believe?

Have you ever met somebody with a serious illness that was on top of the world? It sounds counter intuitive, but I’ve seen it over and over. There is something about knowing you are dying that brings out the best in you. Maybe you’ve been coasting through life so far, but now you have X amount of days left so you HAVE to chase those goals or it’ll all be over. I think part of attaining enlightenment is realizing that your days are numbered, without having an illness, and living everyday like it was your last. If you are not there, just imagine that tomorrow you find out that you will be dying within 60 days, what would you want to do before it’s over?

Unfortunately, some people have near-death-experiences and they choose to do the opposite. That is they find a negative way to deal with it. They are so traumatized by the incident that they pull back from life and become their worst. In college, several friends and I were having a party and 40 some people broke into our apartment and assaulted us. I managed to get a gun from my bedroom and fired a shot into the air to stop them from beating up my friends. One of them came up to me and I almost shot him. This incident scarred me pretty good. I bought several guns and carried one on me at times because I lived in fear. I eventually got over this and moved on. I didn’t renew my concealed weapons permit because I don’t want to carry a gun with me anymore. Doing that caused me great stress. I didn’t feel secure with it. In fact I felt the opposite. I remember telling people the story and they would usually say that I should have shot him. I believe I had every right to under the law, but I am so glad that I didn’t. I may have saved my friends lives by doing what I did. I remember a day or two before the incident, I decided to pull the gun out from under my bed and put it on my headboard. I am not sure why I did this, but because I did this I was able to grab it instantly and do what I did. And now I can say that I forgive those who were involved. And my plan to “get them back”, which I held onto for so many years, is gone.