I’ve always been amazed at how well my wife gets along with teenagers, children and babies. She has a knack for socializing with them on their own level. Every baby I’ve seen her hold just loved her. Every kid I’ve seen her interact with immediately liked her. Sometimes the parents of the kids actually got jealous or asked how she did it. So I thought to myself, I want some of that!

In the past, I’ve never been one to hold babies or talk to kids much. But after realizing the pure goodness and innocence of youth, and working on myself to get that back state, I love being around them. And I want to be a positive influence in their life. I don’t want to be a person telling them to grow up and shut up. So I got a book on the subject called The Key To Your Child’s Heart by Gary Smalley. This book really puts things into perspective for me quickly. The author talks of a childs relationship with you in terms of their spirit. I remember how my spirit as a kid closed up during my teen years with my Father. The way he spoke to me combined with his drinking, helped close my spirit up until I hated him.

I learned how detect a closing spirit in a child and several effective ways to turn that around. A few ways to see how open a child’s spirit is towards you are:

• Does the child spontaneously touch me when I first see him after school or at home?
• Does the child respect what I respect in life?
• Does the child enjoy going places with me?

Did you know that there are 4 basic types of parenting styles each with different results? There’s Dominant, Neglectful, Permissive, and the Loving and Firm Parent. My parents were the Permissive type which is warm and supporting, but weak in establishing and enforcing rules and limits for me as a child. This lead to me having problems following rules, expecting others to clean up after me, and having little self-respect. I’m glad they weren’t Dominant or Neglectful ! One of the reasons parents are permissive is that they feel they will cause the children harm if they are too strict, so they cave. And this can actually do the harm they want to prevent.

So this leads us to the Super Parent, or the Loving and Firm Parent. This parent knows the two most important factors in raising a child which are:

• Establishing clearly defined and understood rules that the children know they cannot break without consequences.
• A commitment to love each child in a warm, affectionate, and supportive way.

So that’s who I want to learn how to be. My wife has it down. And this book has been awesome at defining how to be that person. Right now I don’t have kids, but I probably will in the next couple years. I’ve been spending some time with my neice and God daughter lately. And I want to be as supportive and loving with her as possible because she deserves it. I’m halfway through with the book and already I feel inspired and lifted. I see better how I came to be, I’ve identified the parenting style of several other close people I know and have a better understanding of how to deal with the “situation,” and lots more. I highly recommend this book to any adult who has a pulse, especially those who have teenagers and children and desire a better relationship. And if you think your relationship with your child is perfect, try asking them what they think.